Friday, May 13, 2011

A message on Rev. Dr. Bob's birthday

The following was transcribed from a Ministry of Harry Kenwell  meeting. To be imagined in a Southern US preacher style voice, or James Brown in the Blues Brothers.

On a crisp and clear morning, in a big white tent in the middle of a green field. Dozens of people are seated in pews facing a stage. On the stage there is an organist playing softly, Deacon Geoff and The Reverend Doktor Bob.
Deacon Geoff, from side of stage: “....and now a sermon from our very own Reverend Doktor Bob!”
*Enter Rev.Dr. Bob from left side of stage, walks to centre of stage*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Now people…now people.”
*crowd murmurs with excitement*
Rev. Dr. Bob: “When I woke up this morning, I saw a bright light!”
*crowd excitement grows a little*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “When I woke up this morning, I heard an unusual sound!”
*Organ music rises in volume*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “And what was that light and sound? Do you want me to tell you?”
*Organ music rises in volume even more. Cries of “Tell it, preacher!” and “Show us, Reverend” come from the audience*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “The light and sound belonged to Him. To Harry! Can I get a Harrylujah?”
*Crowd calls out “Harrylujah!”*
 Rev.Dr. Bob: “I said ‘Can I get a Harrylujah?’”
*Crowd calls louder “HARRYLUJAH!”*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Alright, RAmen. Now people, I wanna tell you – Harry spoke to me!”
*Crowd cheers*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “And do you wanna know what He said to me? Do you want to hear His words?”
*Organ music rises to match a rising volume of cries from the audience. Calls of “Tell us, Reverend!” and “Testify!” come from the crowd. In the front row, a man collapses, fainting from the love of Harry*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Harry spoke to me. He said ‘Bob – you’re 26 today. It’s time for you to give back to the community after you have been given so much.’ Now, let me tell you people, I couldn’t gaze upon that far shore, that wonder, without being struck dumb. I wanted to ask him how, but couldn’t find a way to make the words come out.”
*Organ music tempo increases as The Reverend Doktor’s speech gets faster. The excitement of the crowd builds with each passing second. Cries of desire for Harry come from the audience. People are on their feet, reaching out to their fellow Kenwellians as they feel His love*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Harry kept speaking to me. I felt as if my head would explode with the power of his words. He said
‘Bob. On this day, the 26th anniversary of your birth, I charge you with the task of spreading my words. You will not be alone. Others will join you in celebrating my existence.’
While I could not speak, Harry knew what I wanted to ask. I wanted to know what His message, what His command, what His Words would be.
 ‘Bob,’ He said ‘There have been others that were thought to be divine. Others who claimed a ruling over mankind. These false gods may have had some good messages, but they were usually combined with rules that were pointless and restrictive, as well as, more often than not, baseless prejudices against fellow creatures.’
His words struck home for me. The history of the world is full of such tales. He went on.
‘The world is a busy place. Everybody is too swept up in life to follow the ideals that have been laid down by so many. So I have provided a philosophy that is easy to follow, that is fair and equitable for all mankind.’
Do you people want to hear that philosophy? Do you want to hear his words?”
*The crowd cries out in unison “Yes!”*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Ok people. Here is his message to us all.”
*The music stops abruptly. The crowd hushes, all leaning forward in expectation of The Message. The tent goes silent, in stark contrast to the frenzy that was in progress just seconds before*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Be Generally Awesome.”
*The crowd lets out a collective sigh of pleasure upon hearing his words. Many fall back into their seats exhausted, as if having run a marathon*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “How much better a philosophy can you get? I know of none greater. When you wake up in the morning – Be Awesome. When you go to work – Be Awesome. When deciding anything in life, from what drink you should have to what can be done to make the world a better place – Be Awesome. If we all Be Awesome to one another, there will be no ill in this world!”
*Crowd cheers. Cries of “Harrylujah!” and “Praise be to Awesome!” are heard*
Rev.Dr. Bob: “Now people. He wants you to go out there and spread his message of Awesome! Go! Now! Smile at a stranger, hug a friend, love a lover and be Awesome to one another! Go!”
*The crowd rushes out of the tent, chanting “Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.”*


  1. Happy Birthday and thank Harry for another safe year, may Harry bless you with many more.