The Doctor with the best treatment

Ask any of the (3) people that know me – “What thoughts do you associate with Bob?” and you’ll get many things in reply.

“He is a pretentious annoying prick.”

“Ugly, fat bastard.”

“Long hair.”

“He has a cool hat.”

“He is the Reverend Doktor Bob.”

“He has an obsession with Dr Pepper.”

Now lets have a look at that last point. Dr Pepper. It does seem to many that I have an addiction to Dr Pepper. Hell, I got a costco’s supermarket membership just so I could buy it by the case. I drink it all the time. Approximately 60% of my tweets are regarding Dr Pepper. But why?

I love it. That’s why.

But there is more to it than that. As an atheist, I worship no gods, spirits, magical faeries or virgin mothers. But I sometimes feel the need to express an undying love for something. Something that will never let me down. That something is Dr Pepper. By making each time I drink it an almost religious experience I fulfil my desire to give control of myself to someone/something that will absolve me of all responsibility. I’m sure that’s what most fervent believers in religion desire when they go to church, to feel that they don’t have to take responsibility for their own lives because their god will do it for them. When I drink a Dr Pepper I have an incredibly personal experience that pushes out the rest of the world. I devote myself to it and it devotes itself to me. And it’s a hell of a lot more reliable than any Yahweh, Allah or Vishnu.

One upside of my obsession with Dr Pepper is that it is a healthy obsession. Well maybe not in the sense that it is good for my physical health, but it is good for my mind. Take a look around at what most people want in this world. Money, fancy cars, huge houses, expensive TVs. What I want is a can of Dr Pepper. I have a roof over my head, an old beat up car, a job that I enjoy and yet pays enough for my living expenses…add a Dr Pepper and I’m happy. I’m not worried about a massive debt I owe because I use credit cards and bank loans to finance a brand new BMW and a 75 inch plasma TV. I’m not worried about a huge mortgage so I can have a fancy apartment in a fashionable suburb of Sydney. Im not working 90 hours a week in a job I hate just so I can keep the bills at bay month to month. All I need is a Dr Pepper now and then. I think am a lot happier in my life than a lot of those fancy folk.

yes i drink it at work

Oh, and – DR PEPPER IS YUMMY!!!!